My Random Multiple Crossover Deranged HIVE Fanfic
by Falcon97
Summary: Here is a seriously deranged fanfic...though it says Artemis Fowl crossover there are several characters from diffrent stories in here.  Read on and enjoy the epicness of the quest for the evil Writer's Block...
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome ****to ****my ****seriously ****random, ****multiple-crossover ****fanfic!****Prepare ****to ****be ****dazzled ****with ****complete ****randomness ****conjured ****up ****by ****my ****deranged ****mind ****and ****super-duper ****not-quite ****ninja ****keyboard!  
><strong>**-ahem-  
><strong>**Read ****on (if you dare), ****and ****please, ****beware ****of ****a ****few ****mini-minor ****spoilers ****from ****books ****further ****on ****in ****the ****HIVE ****series ****(there is ****nothing ****to ****drastic ****in ****this ****chapter).**

Otto: _[Stares __around __blank __room]_Why am I here?  
>Disembodies Voice: Because yooooooouuuuu have been chhhooooossseennnnn!<br>Otto: _[girly __scream __and __hides __under a __random __chair]_A ghost!  
>Disembodies Voice: MWAHAHAHAHA!<br>Otto: Is this the afterlife?  
>Disembodies Voice (We'll just call it DV for now): Ye...ur...noooooo.<br>Otto: 'Kay _[stands __up __with __chair __stuck __to __back] _Where are you?  
>DV: Everywhere! I know everything and I control all that happens to you...<br>Otto: Riiiight.  
>DV: [evil laugh]<br>[Silence]  
>Otto: So urm...ghosty person, what do I need to do?<br>[Silence]  
>DV: Urm...I dunno.<br>Otto: [headpalm]  
>DV: Ho hum.<br>Otto: Eh?  
>DV: No...ho hum.<br>Otto: [eyeroll] So how long am I gonna be here? I mean it's starting to get boring with just you talking nonsense.  
>DV: [sniffs] If you think I talk nonsense wait till you here this guy [sound of snapping fingers then a poof of smoke and Wing appears sitting on the floor] Oops, wrong one.<br>Otto: WIIINNNNGGG!  
>Wing: [backs away from Otto looking worried] Are you alright?<br>Otto: [bursts into tears] Nooooooo! Let me out of here!  
>DV: [sighs] I don't know how to.<br>Wing: [jumps] Who is that?  
>DV: [dreamily] You're destiny...uh...I mean Falcon...<br>Otto: [sniggers] sounds like a boy's name  
>Falcon: SHUT UP!<br>Wing: [eyeroll] So where exactly are you?  
>Falcon: Here.<br>Wing: Where?  
>Falcon: Behind you.<br>Otto: [girly scream]  
>Falcon: [slaps Otto] Stop screaming, no wonder girls seem to have a problem with you.<br>Wing: [smirks]  
>Falcon: [tries not to drool]<br>Otto: [rubs cheek] So how did you make us appear here?  
>Falcon: [Happy smile] Ah, the world of fanfiction...<br>Wing and Otto: [go pale]  
>Otto: [whimpers] You're one of those awful fanfic writers whose destiny it is to make every passing moment of our lives utter misery?<br>Falcon: [examines nails] Yup.  
>[silence]<br>Falcon: So then [turns to Otto] Alright mister genius albino person, it's up to you to get us out of here.  
>Otto: Me?<br>Falcon: [nods patiently] Yes Otto, you.  
>Otto: Oh. But can't you just send us somewhere and get us out of here?<br>Falcon: [blinks] Hmmmm...lets see [silence for a few moments then a poof of smoke and the threesome disappear from room]

_In __a __lovely __scenic __valley __surrounded __by __towering __mountaintops, __complete __with __the __usual goats frisking around the tracherous grantie cliffs and yada yada yada..._

Otto: This isn't HIVE!  
>Falcon: [looks pleased] Well I'd say it's a vast improvement...<br>Wing: Shelby!  
>Shelby: Wing!<br>Random Person: Shelby!  
>Falcon: What are you doing here?<br>Random Person: Urrr...I dunno.  
>Falcon: Right, [waves wand] Off you go<br>Random Person: [vanishes]  
>Falcon: [waves around wand] This is so cool!<br>Wing: What are you doing her Shelby?  
>Shelby: [confused] I have no idea?<br>Artemis Fowl: Urm, yes, why am I here as well?  
>Eragon: Yes, I would also like to know why I'm here.<br>Arya: Me also.  
>Franz: Ja...<br>Falcon: [looks exasperated] BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL IN MY FANFIC!  
>Eragon and Arya: Fanfic?<br>Artemis Fowl: [sighs deeply and raises eyes to the sky]  
>Otto: [bursts into tears again]<br>Wing: [slaps Otto]  
>Otto: [sniffle] Stop doing that!<br>Eragon: [raises eyebrows] So what are we supposed to do in this "fanfic" then?  
>Falcon: Urrr...I dunno, I had an idea and then I forgot it...<br>Artemis Fowl: [snorts] Honestly, you're pathetic, if you would let a boy genius take over then we could all get out of here...  
>Falcon: [slaps Artemis]<br>Artemis: What was the for?  
>Falcon: Well you seriously bugged me in the first, second and also sixth book so I was just letting it out.<br>Artemis: 0-o  
>Falcon: [points at Artemis and jumps up and down] I made Artemis Fowl speechless!<br>Eragon and Arya: [confused]  
>Otto and Wing: 0-o<br>Shelby: Eh?  
>Franz: [admires scenery]<br>Falcon: Now why don't we liven things up a bit?  
>Otto: [Runs off screaming]<br>Falcon: [strikes dramatic pose and points at Otto]  
>[poof of smoke and Lucy D appears in front of Otto]<br>Falcon: [headslams] I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE LAURA APPREAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!  
>Otto: [gaspeth] Lucy!<br>Lucy: [gaspeth] Otto!  
>[Both exchange a romantic kiss]<br>Falcon: Grrr...[karate chops keyboard] Ow.

**A/N ****Whilst ****the ****author ****(me)****recovers ****from ****her ****annoyance ****at ****bringing ****back ****the ****wrong ****girlfriend ****ther will be a break****...if ****there ****are ****any ****other ****characters ****you ****would ****like ****to ****see ****please ****either:**

**a)****PM ****me.**

**b)****Review ****and ****type ****the ****characters ****down ****on ****there.**

**Oh ****yeah, ****let ****me ****just ****add ****this:**

**Some ****of ****you ****faithful ****reviewers ****may ****appear ****in ****this ****fanfic, ****just ****so ****you ****know ****;) ****If ****you ****don't ****want ****to ****then ****let ****me ****know...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Now let us return to the mountainous land and the frolicking goats, the screaming white-haired albinos and the annoying romantic scene...**

Falcon: Now let's try this again...[points at Lucy, a poof of smoke appears above her head and Laura appears and squishes Lucy]  
>Otto: Laura! [looks concerned] Lucy are you okay?<br>Lucy: [produces strange strangled sound]  
>Laura: What just happened?<br>Falcon: [strikes pose] I brought you forth from HIVE to this glorious and mountainous landscape! [mutters to self] I wonder if speaking like that will impress Wing?  
>Arya: Could you please send us back?<br>Falcon: [glares at Arya] First off, you are seriously annoying sometimes, and secondly, no I can't send you back, I can only make people and random items appear here...[pauses] Hey that rhymed!  
>Artemis: [expression of despair] I'm stuck with a bunch of idiots.<br>Falcon: [eye widen] Hey, I've just had an idea!  
>Shelby: [mutters] Better be careful with that.<br>Falcon: Let's all go on a quest!  
>[silence]<br>Otto: A quest?  
>Falcon: [looks pleased with self] Yup.<br>Eragon: [sighs] Well I suppose it's better than doing nothing.  
>Arya: [looks suspicious] Wait...what sort of quest?<br>Falcon: Urm...I hadn't got that far...  
>Everyone apart from Falcon: [groan]<p>

**Several minutes later...**

Falcon: [leaps to feet and yells] I'VE GOT IT!  
>Everyone: [jumps]<br>Lucy: You've got what?  
>Falcon: A quest!<br>Eragon: Ooooh, a quest [giggles] I looove a quest!  
>Arya: 0-o<br>Eragon: [coughs and clears throat] Yes...well...do go on.  
>Falcon: Riiight, well anyway the quest is...<br>[dramatic drumroll]  
>Otto: [looks confused] Where is that drumroll coming from?<br>Falcon: [dramatic pose] ...the search for the Writer's Block and his minions!  
>[silence]<br>Artemis: What?  
>Falcon: [headpalm] We. Are. Going. On. A. Quest. To. Seek. Out. The. Writer's. Block. And...<br>Shelby: Yeah, we got that part, what one earth's a plot bunny?  
>[creepy music starts playing]<br>Falcon: [evil laugh] A strange and evil being which seeks to destroy and ruin writer's plot bunnies and bring their stories grinding to a halt...  
>Everyone: [Backs away from Falcon]<br>Wing: And why should we go on this quest?  
>Falcon: [frowns] Well...so you can go back from whence you came I guess...<br>Laura: So if we get this writer's block thingumy then we can go back to our homes?  
>Falcon: [nods] Yup [to self] I think so anyway...<br>Franz: [looks pleased] I think this quest is being sounding like a good idea.  
>Otto: Seriously?<br>Franz: [nods]  
>Falcon: [grins] Don't worry Otto, Franz will protect you if anything dares to maimhurt/injure/burn/do anything that involves pain to you.  
>Artemis: [clears throat] So where exactly is this Writer's Block located then?<br>Falcon: [evil grin} Mount Dooooom!  
>[silence]<br>Lucy: Mount Doom?  
>Falcon: No, Mount Dooooom.<br>Eragon: [looks confused]  
>Wing: [frowns] Wait, I seem to recall there being a Mount Doom in Lord of the Rings.<br>Falcon: [looks shifty] Yes...well...  
>Arya: So how do we get there?<br>Falcon: [draws breath to reply] You know what...I have no idea...  
>Otto: [breathes sigh of relief] Good, I really wasn't looking forward to that.<br>Franz: Wait, wasn't there being a Gollum to guide the hobbits to Mount Doom?  
>Otto: [goes pale then tries to throttle Franz] Why. Did. You. Remind. Her. About. That?<br>Falcon: [murmurs to self] What a brilliant idea.  
>[poof of smoke and Gollum appears]<br>Gollum: Greetings my precious...  
>Laura: Whoa...<br>Shelby: [backs away] Urm... doesn't Gollum try to murder the hobbits?  
>Falcon: [begins to looks worried] Oh...yeah...I forgot about that part...<br>[nervous silence]  
>Artemis: How about you summon Butler and he will dispatch this monstrosity.<br>Falcon: No.  
>Artemis: But...<br>Falcon: We have Wing, Silent Death, Shelby and two magicy elves to protect us, I don't think I can handle any more characters...  
>Eragon: [puts hand in air] Excuse me, but I'm half human...<br>Falcon: We don't have time for technicalities!  
>Shelby: Sorry to break this up but could we please get a move on!<br>Falcon: Right, right...then let us go forth o' brave ones...[strides off to dramatic music]  
>Gollum: Wrong way...<br>Falcon: [sniffs] I knew that.  
>Everyone else: [headpalm]<br>Otto: I am seriously going to regret this...

* * *

><p><strong>AN Thanks to all who reviewed my first chapter! Sorry for the extra-long wait!**

**BTW: I won't be able to get any more updates up for a little while just to warn you, several excuses being: half-term homework, other neglected fanfics, and my birthday in two days! But the update will come...in the meantime REVIEW!**


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